Volume 1: Chapter 4: After Conveying My Sincere Feelings to the Gloomy Dark-Haired Girl

"Kotosaka-senpai, you're really cute!"

"Yeah, totally. Thanks for coming today."

"I've always wanted to talk with you. I'm so happy."

"Is this the outfit they call 'landmine style'? Wow, it suits you so well."

This takes place in an izakaya located just a short walk away from the university, within a shopping street.

On the table set up in a spacious private room, there are various appetizers such as salad, fried foods, edamame, and fries.

This is a drinking party organized by the school club "Yuton," consisting of a total of eight people—five males and three females.

Glasses filled with orange juice liqueur clink together. I am surrounded by a group of male participants at the party. Even though I didn't intentionally engage in the conversation, I somehow became the center of attention.

Males are sitting on my front, left, and right, quite close to each other. Even the uncles I met while doing dad activities would still maintain a gentlemanly distance upon first meeting.

I managed to put on a friendly smile to cope with the situation, but the other two excluded females just awkwardly laughed.

"You guys, getting this close might trouble Kotosaka-senpai, you know?"

The male on my right deliberately cleared the space between us and poured himself a highball.

"How's it going? Are you having fun?"

"We've only just begun."

After clinking glasses with him, he replied with a smile, "That's true."

With bright tea-colored hair and well-defined features, he wears a white top with a light brown shirt and black pants matched with rounded-toe shoes—a popular style favored by women. Coupled with his approachable and gentle tone, he exudes a sense of familiarity with women.

He's a third-year student serving as the representative of the "Yuton" club, with the last name "Hoshimizu," I think. I wasn't paying much attention when he introduced himself, so I don't have any impression of his last name.

I recall him proudly mentioning that he is the boyfriend of the girl who secured fourth place in last year's beauty contest, but I don't really appreciate his show-off behavior.

"Yuton" seems to be an outdoor club that engages in activities a few times a year.

During the extended break, they would hold a week-long camp, and apart from that, they would organize small gatherings almost every week for a few select participants.

Not long after starting school, I was directly approached by Hoshimizu himself, so I had known about the club's existence for quite some time.

Other members besides Hoshimizu have tried to strike up conversations with me several times, but I disliked this persistent behavior, so I ignored all their invitations.

That being said, today I decided to show up at the party of my own accord.

In Hoshimizu's eyes, he must have been waiting for the day I would attend the party.

"Kotosaka-senpai... By the way, can I call you 'Shizune'?"

Hoshimizu leaned towards me.

"... Why?"

"You've come to the club's party, a rare opportunity. Let's build a good relationship. Adding 'senpai' after your last name feels like it'll keep the distance no matter how much time passes. Of course, you don't have to call me 'senior,' you can call me by my name too!"

"Then, Hoshimizu."

"Did you just call me by my last name!?"

He seemed to be trying to act like he was being made fun of, prompting laughter from the group of males and livening up the room. While the two female members also laughed on the spot, their eyes appeared dark and muddled.

Hoshimizu laughed and then mentioned, "Generally, you would just call me by my first name," while casually reaching around behind me. This action made my spine tense up.

"Huh? Could it be that Shizune is the type who's ticklish?"

I turned my head and ignored his inquiry, resulting in completely off-topic reactions from the people around like, "She's cool and cute," or "Is she really shy?"

Perhaps I've become somewhat accustomed to slight physical contact through dad activities, but it seems my tolerance has decreased. Even a slight touch would make me resistant.

At the same time, the word "Shizune" that Hoshimizu spoke clung to my ears like mucus.

To this day, the only people who call me by my name are my father and Shinsuke.

I don't want anyone other than someone I like... To be honest, I don't want anyone other than Shinsuke to address me this way.

Disgusting. I can see this wicked intention with just a glance, making my chest feel nauseous as if it's burning.

It's all because of Shinsuke's gentle touch that I find these people's thoughts extremely repulsive.

Whether it's intentionally showing kindness, shortening the distance after getting close to women, or the way they speak, I compare all of their words and actions to Shinsuke.

The calculated warmth shown by men I'm not interested in only makes me uncomfortable. Even if they all compliment me in unison, I won't feel any genuine sense of being wanted.

All they want is my body.

It just makes me feel empty, wanting to die.

I really want to escape from this space immediately and return to the apartment where Shinsuke lives.

But right now, I don't have the right to act spoiled towards Shinsuke.

Due to my strong desire not to burden Shinsuke, I've been avoiding him. I didn't go to his apartment, nor did I visit his workplace, and I didn't respond to his contacts.

The fact that I could care about this makes me happy, even making me want to change my mind.

But at the point when Shinsuke was so worried about me, I had already become a source of trouble for him.

So, I can't turn back now—I can't cause any more trouble for you.

I forcibly suppressed the overwhelming feeling of disgust, recalling how I felt during dad activities, and tried to naturally squeeze out a sycophantic smile.

I attended this party to return to my original state.

To make my body adapt to life before meeting Shinsuke.

Getting involved with other men and then forgetting about Shinsuke—deliberately doing irreparable things, deliberately burying the feeling of guilt in my heart, so I can't go back to his side.

Perhaps just giving my body to someone might make me feel a bit more at ease.

Once I deviate even slightly, I can never come back. Afterward, I will be gradually pulled into the abyss, just like sinking into a swamp.

Although I dislike it, although I want to give my first time to someone I like, if I get used to indulging even a little bit, my dependence on Shinsuke will eventually disappear perfectly.

I picked up the glass, swirled the liquid inside, and then drank it all in one gulp.

"Oh, are you good at drinking or something?"

"... Average."

The liqueur provided by the restaurant is already low in alcohol content, so drinking like this won't get me drunk at all.

What I was thinking was that if being intoxicated prevents me from making proper judgments, I might be able to tolerate my aversion towards Hoshimizu and the others.

"What would you like next?"

Hoshimizu picked up the tablet used for ordering and showed me the menu.

"... Don't you have any 'Strong' canned drinks?"

"Coming to an izakaya and asking for 'Strong' canned drinks! You seem like quite the drinker, huh?"

Hoshimizu swiped the screen and confirmed the alcohol menu.

"Well, no matter how I look at it, I can't find 'Strong' canned drinks. How about a dessert wine, red wine, or Japanese sake... or whiskey? Those should be good, right?"

I waved my hand to decline the tablet he offered and told Hoshimizu to "order the highest alcohol content drink."

It might be more convenient for them if I get drunk earlier. The people surrounding me excitedly responded, completely unaware of my true feelings.

"Ah... but really, it's so great that Shizune could come today."

Hoshimizu placed his mouth against the highball glass, speaking affectionately.

"... Why?"

"Because, you know... Shizune, you're really famous at school, right? A cute girl like you coming makes our club more appealing to others."

"Are you planning to use me as a publicity tower?"

"It does sound like that, huh! Although I never had that intention, if a popular girl like you joins the party, it's bound to turn out like this."

"Even if I join, it won't increase the number of participants. There are plenty of girls cuter and more popular than me. And no one would want to get close to a 'landmine' girl."

"That's not true at all. In reality, you have a good reputation among the guys too."

Rather than a reputation, I just easily attract attention.

It's strange that I have a good reputation despite not interacting with anyone. If that's the case, then this can only be a superficial assessment, unrelated to what's inside.

Liking clothes, makeup, hair color, favorite accessories, and props that I like—being praised for my "cuteness" certainly makes me happy, but if my inner thoughts were to be seen, then no matter how good I look on the outside, the evaluation of me would likely be negative.

"Hey Hoshimizu, can I ask something?"

As I let Hoshimizu's words go in one ear and out the other, one person from the group of males spoke to him.

"What's up? I'm having a fun conversation with Shizune right now."

I'm not having a fun conversation with you.

Not only being excessively familiar but also getting his face close and touching my thigh several times while talking. It's just discomfort for me.

"Really, every time, you monopolize the girls you like right away."

"Why are you saying it like that!? ...So what's the matter?"

"Is that person really coming today? It's so late already, haven't they contacted you?"

"Ah, that thing. Seems like something came up, so they'll be a bit late. Well, since it's the person themselves who said they'll come, they should be here soon. Just be patient."

"...That person? Are there other participants too?"

When the conversation between them seemed to come to an end, I asked Hoshimizu.

"Ah, it's like that. You arrived a bit late, Shizune, so I didn't tell you yet."

I'm not familiar with the geography around the university, so I arrived a bit later at the izakaya we agreed upon. It seems they discussed this topic before we met up.

"There's another girl scheduled to come today. Moreover, she's a celebrity known to almost everyone on campus. Shizune has probably heard her name before."

"...Heh."

Though it doesn't show on my face, I feel irritated.

It's already bothering me so much, and now they're adding more people...

"Could it be that you're not interested? But I guess that's true. Since Shizune is a girl, it would be better if there's a good-looking guy added too!"

Regardless of whether it's a guy or a girl, I'm not interested in who's coming to the party. In my shallow social interactions, anyone is just someone I don't know, and there's no need to particularly care.

"A girl... huh?"

However, just a bit, really just a bit, I feel a little lonely.

I imagine a future that can never exist.

I wish you could stop me from acting like this.

I wish you could catch up to me here.

Even though Shinsuke has absolutely no idea that I'm attending the party, I'm still indulging in these faint hopeful fantasies—it's truly absurd.

Just how much have I become dependent on him?

It seems his kindness has penetrated my heart even more than I imagined.

—Thump, thump.

Apologies for any confusion. I'll make sure to replace "Shinsuke Kujou" with "Aigaki Shinsuke" as you requested:

The door was suddenly knocked on, and my body reflexively moved.

Within a few seconds of escaping from reality, I came back to my senses.

"May I disturb you?"

The person across the door asked us.

And at the moment that voice entered my ears—my inner thoughts became chaotic for an instant.

"Oh! Aigaki is finally here!?"

"How could that be possible! Clearly, that's a man's voice, it's probably the waiter!"

"Is it the additional drinks we ordered just now?"

"Quiet down, you guys... Waiter, please come in."

Hoshimizu hushed the noisy people and urged the person outside the door to come in.

Recalling this familiar calm voice, my heart rate gradually increased.

It's something that normally wouldn't happen, I must have misheard. However, no matter how I try to ignore it, the premonition emerging in my heart feels real.

...Wait? Just now, it seemed like someone in the group of guys mentioned "Aigaki"—

"...? Aren't you the waiter... right?"

Hoshino and the person on the other side of the door stared at each other, sounding confused.

Of course, it's not just Hoshimizu. Everyone present, except for me, was surprised by the appearance of a man they've never seen before and who clearly wasn't the waiter—

But even I, just kept opening and closing my mouth.

I couldn't speak, and my mind was not functioning properly.

But even so, driven by my emotions, I managed to utter his name intermittently:

"...Aigaki... Shinsuke..."

With a hoarse voice, I said his name.

My daydreams, the faint hopes that could never have been realized, became reality at this moment.

Suddenly appearing before my eyes, Aigaki Shinsuke, seemed to breathe a sigh of relief upon seeing me, then glanced at the other participants one by one.

"...Hello, everyone. I'm Chitose Kujou."

And then, he boldly introduced himself using an obvious pseudonym.

"Chitose Kujou... Are you kidding me?"

Hoshimizu's atmosphere, which had been gentle before, turned completely opposite as he stood up angrily, closing the distance between him and Shinsuke in an instant.

Shinsuke didn't show any signs of fear, and he faced Hoshimizu as he approached.

"What's your name? You're from Jouka University, right?"

"Tokyo Jouka University, second-year student, Aigaki Shinsuke... and you're the third-year student, Hoshimizu, right?"

"That's right."

Shinsuke stated his real name again, confirming if the person in front of him was Hoshimizu. Though Hoshimizu openly answered Shinsuke's question, his voice was filled with anger.

"What's your relationship with Kujou?"

"Chitose is just my childhood friend."

"Childhood friends... Ah, I see. I remember now. That guy, Kujou, has a close relationship with a second-year student. So you're Shinsuke... I mean, you."

Understanding who Shinsuke was, Hoshimizu gradually eased his anger, returning to a state of calm.

It seems that Shinsuke's status as Chitose's childhood friend was quite well-known.

Chitose-senpai is quite popular in the university. Faced with Shinsuke, who stood in the position of her childhood friend, Hoshimizu seemed unable to be too forceful.

"The contact for participating in the drinking party should have been sent by Chitose herself. But why are you here, someone who isn't Chitose Chitose-senpai, nor a member of our club?"

"I simply asked her for a favor... After all, the messages from my 'friend' were ignored by you guys."

"I don't remember doing that."

"Acting like you don't know is fine. I'm not interested in Hoshimizu-senpai's club activities... Besides, I've already achieved my primary goal."

That was the same side profile I saw up close a few days ago, the same seriousness in his eyes as when he was sketching. Shinsuke directed his gaze towards me with the same intensity as when he held a pen.

"What exactly is your goal? There must be a suitable reason for causing such a mess in someone else's club activity, right?"

"I'm truly sorry about this matter... You're right."

Shinsuke lowered his head without hesitation, apologizing once again to Hoshimizu.

"For now, my purpose is to participate in this drinking party."

As he apologized, Shinsuke slowly revealed his intentions.

"It was an action I took on my own, and even deceiving you all by borrowing Chitose-senpai's name was indeed wrong. I am well aware that you won't easily forgive me. But..."

Shinsuke stared at Hoshimizu, lifting his head.

Then, he used his right hand to grab Hoshimizu's lapel and pulled it towards himself.

"I can't easily forgive your actions either."

"What, what are you suddenly doing!?"

As soon as Hoshimizu tried to speak, he became flustered.

Suddenly, Shinsuke's left hand slipped into the pocket of Hoshimizu's shirt.

Due to Hoshimizu's hands trying to pry Shinsuke's right hand off, there was a slight delay in his response.

"Darn it... Let go of me!"

Shinsuke was forcefully pushed away and took a few steps back. However, his hand held onto the "something" he had taken from Hoshimizu's pocket.

"...Seems like what I heard was true."

Shinsuke opened his hand, his gaze fixed on what Hoshimizu was holding.

Taken from Hoshimizu's pocket was a small pouch containing two capsules.

Shinsuke unzipped the pouch, taking out one of the capsules.

"Hoshimizu-senpai, for what purpose do you carry something like this with you?"

"...What purpose could there be, only one, right? Of course, it's for when I'm feeling unwell and need to take it myself. Lately, I've been having sudden fever episodes quite often."

"At a time like this, it's impossible to hide it anymore."

Shinsuke put the capsule back into the small pouch and glanced at the other participants, except for me.

Following Shinsuke's lead, I also turned my gaze toward everyone. I realized that all of their expressions were quite distorted.

"As far as I can see, everyone except for Shizune seems to know," Shinsuke remarked.

"...Shinsuke. Everyone else knows except me, what exactly...?"

I questioned Shinsuke with hesitation, fearing his response.

"Inside this pouch are capsules made from 'Spielatus,' a brand of alcohol with a proof of ninety-six degrees. Commonly referred to as 'Spielatus capsules.'"

"Spielatus capsules... I've seen that name a few times on the internet."

Although not commercially available, they can be easily made with little expense, making them easily abused for the purpose of intoxicating others. Incidents involving them have caused disturbances from time to time.

"Well, well... Speaking of which, I never thought that Hoshimizu, who ranked fourth in the beauty pageant, would be involved in criminal activities."

"...Criminal activities? This is the first time I'm hearing about these Spielatus capsules today. Even if this capsule is really what you're describing, it's quite an exaggeration to call merely possessing it a crime."

"Indeed, possessing it isn't a problem. However, what about everything up to now?"

Shinsuke questioned Hoshimizu with an angry tone.

"You mixed the capsules into the drinks of the female participants, forcibly drugged them, and carried out group assaults. You recorded videos of the incidents and used them to threaten the victims not to resist. You even used them as pawns to target the next participant... Those two over there, were they also called here as victims due to Hoshimizu's negligence?"

"...Where did you hear all this from, you bastard...!"

"Of course, it's from my childhood friend who has been keeping an eye on you all. Well, it seems he didn't directly hear it from the victims... but, it looks like everything is true."

While Shinsuke explained, the two female participants lowered their heads and began quietly sobbing.

Seeing their state, Hoshimizu had also realized that it was no longer possible to continue hiding. His face turned red, his body trembling, he glared at Shinsuke with anger.

"...I see. So you intruded into the drinking party to meddle in matters and confirm the truth! You, someone filled with self-righteousness!"

"Don't get the wrong idea. My main purpose for coming here wasn't to confirm your guilt."

"Then, what other purpose could you have!? Why did you specially barge into this drinking party—"

"—It's time to go home together. With Kotosaka Shizune, that is."

Shinsuke interrupted Hoshimizu and responded directly.

Then, he took a deep breath, as if wanting all the participants to hear.

"It's to take Shizune Kotosaka back to the room...!"

Shinsuke's voice, full of strength, resonated once more.

The warmth I wanted to always rely on surrounded me.

I held back tears that had accumulated in my eyes and flowed down my cheeks.

"So, are you and Shizune dating? Or perhaps ex-lovers? Bringing a lovers' quarrel to a place like this, are you kidding me!"

"While I feel a bit embarrassed to interrupt when you're berating me, Shizune isn't my ex-girlfriend or current girlfriend. She's just a regular friend... No, looking back now, she's probably more like a de facto wife."

Shinsuke's mouth curved slightly, as if he had remembered something.

"The actions you've taken are unforgivable, but from the beginning, I had no intention of reporting to the university or involving the police. The future consequences are up to the victims to decide... Whatever fate awaits you, if you try to act like villains again or stir up similar trouble, next time it won't be so easy to get away with it."

Shinsuke looked at the two girls in the corner of his vision and issued a warning to Hoshimizu and the others.

"And so... I've done everything I came here to do."

His gaze shifted to me.

"I intended to take Shizune home with me, but that's just my whim at best. I didn't plan on ignoring her will. If you refuse, I'll give up honestly."

Shinsuke spoke to me as if he had already made up his mind.

"So, it's up to Shizune now. What you want to do next, how you want to proceed... Decide it here and now."

Then, he handed over the final decision to me.

I raised my gaze, peering into Shinsuke's face. He extended his hand toward me.

To grasp that hand, I needed an extraordinary amount of courage.

I currently lacked the confidence to stand by Shinsuke's side.

It's quite audacious of me to think that we can have a meaningful conversation at this point.

However, even after accepting everything, Shinsuke made an effort to meet with me.

He attempted to guide me, preventing me from spiraling into a negative direction.

"Shinsuke... I'm sorry."

All eyes were on me.

I couldn't escape anymore.

I stood up from my seat and threw myself into his chest.

"...As long as you're okay."

Shinsuke gently stroked my head, his voice filled with relief.

Indeed, his tenderness made me feel more comfortable than anything else in this world.

☆

As Shizune and I walked out of the izakaya together, the sky had already been tinted with a deep indigo color.

Considering the distance from the shopping street to the apartment, it would only take a few minutes by bike, but unfortunately, we couldn't use bicycles to return.

Because of the scheduled gathering today, Shizune seemed to have commuted by train from the beginning. Even if we were to bike, the shopping street would be crowded with people coming back from work or school in the evening. Riding together like we used to would be too dangerous, so we had to avoid that.

Walking side by side on the shopping street illuminated by streetlights and shop interiors, our sense of distance felt even greater than before, creating a slightly awkward atmosphere. For a while, neither of us spoke.

Continuing through the shopping street, I spotted the lights in the apartment from a distance. As Shizune walked ahead, she gradually closed the distance between us.

"...Why did you know that I was attending the gathering?"

In a slow tone, as if probing, Shizune asked.

"Hirofumi followed your twitter account and found out. That's how I knew."

"Like a stalker."

"Are you talking about Hirofumi?"

"Both of you. But if I have to pick one, it's Shinsuke."

"Can't deny that."

Investigating Shizune's movements through social media, and then actually going to the place without contacting her... If I had made a wrong move... No, even without a mistake, there wasn't much difference from stalker behavior.

"Sorry... I've been feeling really bad too. Although that doesn't justify my actions."

"I don't mind... Because Shinsuke acted after understanding how I felt, right? In that case... I'm happy."

"Is that so?"

"If someone other than Shinsuke did this, I would've called the police."

Shizune playfully chuckled. Seeing her smile, I felt relieved from the bottom of my heart.

If the outcome led her, who was struggling with self-destructive tendencies, to cross a certain line with someone else, then we would no longer be spending time together like we are now. There was no solid evidence, but my intuition told me that.

"Hey, Shinsuke, did Kujou-senpai get involved in today's events too?"

"Yeah, I asked her for help. Originally, I was planning to contact them about attending the gathering through Hirofumi's account, but it ended up being ignored by Hoshimizu... So I took it upon myself to ask Aigaki, who they've been inviting to drink before, to send the contact about attending the gathering."

"That's how you found out about the location of the gathering."

While I'm grateful to Aigaki, the one who came up with the brilliant plan was actually Hirofumi. I used to think he was just a womanizer, but today he showed quite a bit of cleverness.

Without his ingenious plan, we would've had to search through numerous bars one by one. It wouldn't have been so smooth bringing Shizune back.

As we conversed, the awkwardness between us gradually eased. Though it hadn't reached the level of our past interactions, by the time we arrived at the apartment, the heavy atmosphere between us had finally dissipated.

We took the elevator to the second floor and walked down the corridor toward our room.

"...Even though it's only been a few days since I was last here, I really missed it."

After bringing Shizune into the room, she quickly headed to the living room, surveying every corner of the room just like she did on her first day here, and spoke.

"Yeah. I kind of missed it too."

This room was originally meant for me to live alone, but on nights without Shizune, it gave me a sense of something missing, becoming a space that couldn't provide my inner peace.

But now that she had entered this room, the missing part was filled. I felt like the room had finally taken on its intended appearance.

I followed behind Shizune and entered the living room. As if an invisible burden had been lifted, a feeling of exhaustion washed over me from head to toe.

I sat on the bed, propping my hands behind me and slumping down.

"Can I sit too?"

"Just treat this place as your own home, be yourself here."

Shizune nodded and took a seat beside me.

In the quiet living room, the only sound was the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall.

Despite the silence, I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. On the contrary, with Shizune by my side, my heart felt remarkably calm.

It was just a time of idle contemplation, but it felt more meaningful than anything else, more extravagant than everything.

"Why did you decide to attend that kind of gathering, Shizune?"

Gazing at the advancing minute hand, I suddenly questioned Shizune.

"...If I said it was to forget about Shinsuke... would that be too heavy?"

Shizune's gaze fell on her intertwined fingertips as she cautiously asked me.

Her answer was so characteristic of her that I couldn't help but smile. I just replied with, "It might be a bit heavy."

"I... didn't want to burden Shinsuke. When I'm alone, lost in thought and worry, I can't calmly listen to Shinsuke's words... so I went on a rampage."

Shizune's emotions seemed to have calmed down now. As if supplementing her previous words, she began to clarify her feelings to me.

"Shinsuke is someone who genuinely cares about me, someone who accepts me as I am... I wanted to help you, to be needed by you... I felt that way from the bottom of my heart. But then, when I heard that Shinsuke disliked certain traits about me, like my sensitivity to darkness... I started to feel uneasy..."

Shizune's voice gradually began to tremble.

"I started to think that maybe you didn't want to be involved with someone like me, a girl with traits like a landmine... with scars from self-harm, who can't handle the darkness...! So I thought..."

She had already lost the meaning to keep living — that's what she said.

Her perception was that my tenderness would feel like a lie, causing her to burst into tears.

"So, in the end, you decided to attend the gathering... is that right?"

"Because I've already experienced so many happy days, the thought of going back to my old life... terrifies me to the point where I can't even fathom it. So... as long as I'm embraced by a man I don't like, I can hide all of Shinsuke's tenderness... I can avoid facing Shinsuke, and I won't need to rely on you anymore... that's what I thought."

Shizune seemed to deeply regret her decision.

From her fragmented words, her emotions were continuously conveyed.

"I'm not good at dealing with people who are like landmines or those with self-harm scars. I've been avoiding having any connection with girls who can't handle darkness... Where did you find out about this?"

"...It was Kujou-senpai. She told me... when we were alone after leaving the apartment."

"Chitose... that person..."

It was the day when I finished my part-time job and Shizune and Chitose came to the apartment together.

I only found out now that such a conversation took place after they had left.

While I did notice that the two of them didn't get along well, Chitose was someone who treated everyone the same, regardless of who they were, so I thought there wouldn't be a problem leaving her alone with Shizune.

Under usual circumstances, Chitose would never take such actions.

But if we were to think about the fundamental reason behind her actions, it becomes quite clear and surprisingly convincing.

Chitose stood quite close, she had seen my past with her own eyes—everything from the enormous trauma of breaking up in relationships to all the hardships and troubles I had faced. She was willing to lend an ear when I needed to talk.

She saw me as her true little brother, always caring for me.

As long as her actions were out of concern for me, it wouldn't be strange at all.

Chitose could naturally take on a role as an antagonist if it meant protecting me.

"You don't need to worry about what Chitose said... even if I say that, it's probably difficult for you to accept."

Surface-level words alone wouldn't be enough for Shizune to accept.

To truly make her understand, it seemed there was no choice but to convey it thoroughly.

Without holding anything back, I told her.

"Listen to me. I don't have any intention of 'avoiding a relationship' with you, Shizune. Quite the opposite, you've become an indispensable presence in my life."

Slowly and sincerely, I spoke to Shizune.

"Up until now, I've had three girlfriends, and shortly after, I broke up with all of them in a dramatic way... have you heard about this from Chitose?"

"While I haven't heard the details, I know that all the girls you've dated have been the type who dress like landmines and have self-harm scars on their wrists... is that right?"

"Exactly... It's because of these experiences that I developed a psychological trauma associated with girls who have traits of self-harm."

Just as Chitose had conveyed to Shizune, there was no mistake about it.

Shizune possessed both of these traits, the ones I should have avoided.

"Actually, I shouldn't judge people based on appearances alone. But due to past experiences, I formed preconceived notions that made me avoid people who look like landmines or who engage in self-harm. 'Is this person a girl who can't handle darkness?'... I started thinking that way. So, in the beginning, I wasn't good at dealing with you, Shizune."

I chuckled and added, "As expected, you are a girl who can't handle darkness, after all."

"But if that's the case, then why? Why did you let me into your room?"

"Shizune and 'my ex-girlfriends who I couldn't save'... it's similar to the first girlfriend I had back in middle school. Although I feel a bit sorry for you, both of you hold a special place in my heart... I just couldn't leave you alone, no matter what. Subconsciously... due to a quite selfish reason, I believed that you 'wanted me to help you'."

Under the shadow of psychological trauma, I had also been hiding my feelings of regret.

If I could turn back time, I would want to start over from the beginning.

"So, I accepted someone whom I initially thought I shouldn't associate with... I accepted you, Shizune, despite you being a girl who can't handle darkness. Because I believed that you needed me."

Somewhere deep inside, I had been searching for this.

Searching for the feeling of being truly needed, just like in past relationships, a heartfelt "need for my presence" —

"Shizune, you wished to be needed by me. But just like you, I also yearn to be needed by you... I depend on you."

Both Shizune and I, wishing to be needed by each other, formed this "mutual dependency" in what could be considered a semi-cohabitation.

"Dependency...? Shinsuke would feel that way about someone like me...?"

Shizune stared at me in disbelief.

"Even so, haven't you changed your perspective on girls who can't handle darkness? I'm one such girl, right? Despite that, you're still dependent on me... it's just..."

Certainly impossible—what Kotosaka wanted to say was this.

From Kotosaka's point of view, that was indeed the case.

But now, I've finally come to realize something.

I had been wrong in my own self-perception.

"For these past few years, I've been avoiding girls who can't handle darkness. However, the reality is somewhat different... I've only been avoiding getting involved with them because I was afraid of repeating the same mistakes."

The true form of my psychological trauma was actually the several failures I had experienced after getting involved with girls who couldn't handle darkness.

It was my own lack of thorough determination, my inability to understand people's hearts and meddling too much, yet not being able to stay with them until the end—the past few years, I hadn't been able to accept this fact.

I got up from the bed, walked over to the desk, picked up a sketchbook, then returned to the bed and handed it to Kotosaka.

She started flipping through the sketchbook's pages in sequence. Then, when an illustration of herself appeared before her eyes, her hand suddenly stopped.

"This is... me?"

It was an illustration featuring Kotosaka as the model.

Her appearance wearing the outfit characteristic of someone who can't handle darkness, depicted in the drawing.

"If I really disliked girls who can't handle darkness... if I really disliked you, Kotosaka, would I actively draw illustrations of you?"

Kotosaka looked at the depiction of herself in the sketchbook, then covered her eyes to prevent tears from falling onto the paper.

"You're truly kind, Shinsuke."

She held the sketchbook tightly against her chest and said so.

"I'm not as kind as you think, Kotosaka. Ultimately, everything I've done has been for myself."

Whether it was letting her into my room or barging into the party to take her home, it all boiled down to me selfishly not wanting to let go of Kotosaka, who had become a "dependency" for me.

My desire to redeem Kotosaka's situation wasn't insincere. However, beneath this thought, there were impure motives that were far from altruistic.

"In the end, it's quite pathetic that I valued my ex-girlfriends and others more... Isn't it?"

I sat down on the bed and gave her a stiff smile.

However, she didn't deny my fault.

"I don't think there's anything pathetic about you, Shinsuke. Because you need me... accepting me is an undisputed fact."

Observing my expression, Kotosaka smiled reassuringly.

"Just as you, who depend on me, have hidden motives, Shinsuke, I also... have hidden motives for depending on you."

Both Kotosaka and I held hidden motives for depending on each other.

Because of this, our dependency on each other had become stronger and harder to sever.

I didn't know if this could be considered a good thing—but this "mutual dependency" relationship might just be the most suitable form of interaction for us. I couldn't help but think that way.

"Kotosaka, do you remember the first time you came to my room?"

"I remember it somewhat."

"Well then, do you also remember the contract you proposed to me?"

Kotosaka nodded lightly in response.

"The 'Meow Meow Contract,' right?"

"No, it's the 'Temporary Marriage Contract.'"

For a moment, I thought she was joking, but she seemed quite serious when she softly said, "Ah, that's right."

"What happened to that contract?"

"Why don't you enter into that contract with me?"

My words left Kotosaka puzzled.

"Why so suddenly...? Especially since it was a condition you once rejected..."

"Because the situation when you proposed it and now is different."

The "Temporary Marriage Contract"—taking care of cooking, laundry, cleaning, and all household chores, along with assisting in practicing illustrations, Kotosaka would help me like a wife. In return, I would grant her the freedom to enter my room at any time.

With this freedom, I could have more time to spend on daily life and ensure that the limited time I had for practicing illustrations would be preserved. It was a contract with favorable conditions for me.

However, on that day, I didn't accept this condition.

I didn't sign the contract, but rather, I accepted Kotosaka's presence as if I were engaging in a charitable activity, with the condition that she could occasionally enter my room. Yet, in reality, my life had become the same as if we had already signed the contract.

Even though the conditions were favorable, I had still chosen to reject the contract, primarily because she was a girl who couldn't handle darkness. I believed that I shouldn't get involved with her and had drawn a line between us. But now, that has changed.

"Kotosaka, are you still thinking about being able to come to my room in the future?"

"...If you're okay with it, Shinsuke."

"In that case, I suppose we should indeed enter into that 'Temporary Marriage Contract.'"

"I don't really mind... but even if we don't sign such a contract, I'll help you with household chores and illustration practice whenever you need me."

"I want to make it clear, I'm not signing the contract just for your rewards."

What I feared was causing the same failures again.

Just like this time, Kotosaka's emotions became chaotic, and she took actions she wouldn't usually take. There was a high possibility of this happening again in the future.

"However, I want to add a condition to the contract."

Even if it was to prevent future problems and to ensure Kotosaka wouldn't harm herself, I should exchange terms with her.

Perhaps with a little ambiguity, and solidly put into words.

"The conditions... are?"

I clenched my fist, raising it to a level with Kotosaka's face, and with each condition I stated, I raised one finger.

"One is, no more dangerous behavior, even if it's to escape your hometown for money."

"Another is, no more self-harming behavior."

"Don't hurt your body anymore."

"Can you guarantee these terms?"

"Yes, I promise."

"In that case, I'll state the final condition."

Our gazes met directly as I declared to her.

"If something happens... rely on me."

In the situation where Kotosaka and I would continue living together, this was the most crucial condition.

"In the future, when you're struggling inside, when you're troubled like you were this time... whether it's about the future or money, anything at all. Don't try to handle it alone, come to me first."

Suppressing the aura of someone who can't handle darkness wasn't that simple.

I wasn't a psychiatrist, nor was I a psychological counselor. I was just an ordinary university student like anyone else, lacking professional knowledge and skills.

The only thing I could do was listen to Kotosaka's words and accompany her.

But I wanted to believe that this was not a meaningless endeavor.

"Until the day when Kotosaka can stand on her own, until she can proudly say 'I'm no longer troubled,' I'll support you all the way. Whether it's anxiety, trouble, or failure, all the problems you hold, I'll hold them together with you."

So—I bent down my three raised fingers and extended my pinkie finger in an exchanging gesture. "Just as I need you, Shizune, please also need me." Shizune looked at the pinkie finger I extended, her eyes becoming moist. She also extended her pinkie finger toward me, and our fingers intertwined.

"This humble girl... please take care of me, Shinsuke." Shizune's face blushed, and a few teardrops slid down from her eyes. This bashful expression as she looked up at me captivated me involuntarily. She seemed genuinely happy from the depths of her heart, revealing a smile and saying, "Hehe..."

"Do you have time tomorrow?"

***

On the day Shinsuke and I entered into the "Temporary Marriage Contract," I messaged someone on my phone and arranged a meeting.

During the lunch break on the following day, I sat in an empty classroom near the student cafeteria, waiting for the person I had made plans with to arrive.

"Oh, you're really early, huh?"

Five minutes before our agreed time, the classroom door opened slowly with a creak, and she peeked her head out like she was checking the situation.

"Did you wait for a long time?"

"Not that long. Stop peeking and come in already."

She nonchalantly replied with a casual "Alright," and walked into the classroom.

Her black hair was hidden under a hat, her teal-colored innerwear showed slightly, and she wore an oversized hoodie that seemed to make her float, along with shorts mostly covered by the hoodie.

"It's quite rare for you to ask me out, Shinsuke."

She entered the classroom, walked over to where I was sitting, and after we faced each other across the long table, she sat down, bending over like she was about to take the seat in front of me.

"So, what's up today? Are you and 'you two' going to team up... and maybe start greeting me with wedding wishes?"

She was both my childhood friend and my senior, as well as my co-worker at the part-time job—Chitose Kujou.

Chitose looked at me and then at the person seated beside me in order, wearing a playful smile.

"..."

Seated beside me was the gloomy girl dressed in dark fashion—Shizune Kotosaka.

Chitose's words made Shizune lower her head, clenching her fists tightly.

Taking over for Shizune, who couldn't say anything, I engaged in a conversation with Chitose.

"In essence, you're right, it's that 'probably not.'"

Chitose momentarily displayed a surprised expression at my words, but she quickly regained her composure.

"Have you and little Shizune entered into the 'Temporary Marriage Contract' you talked about at the convenience store?"

Noticing a change in the relationship between Shizune and me, she inquired as if confirming.

"We entered into it yesterday after I brought her out from the party. So, I'm telling you directly, Chitose."

Chitose seemed a bit melancholic, but she faced reality and murmured softly, "I see."

She had saved me when I tried to bring Shizune back from the party.

Even though she had lent me a helping hand, Chitose would never have a positive view of my relationship with Shizune, getting involved with a gloomy girl like her.

Because she knew everything about my past, because she had been guarding me from a close distance recently, Chitose couldn't accept Shizune's presence.

"I've told Shizune what I know. Shinsuke, you already heard, right?"

"Yeah. I think I've heard most of it."

"So, I guess I've been exposed... Are you disappointed in me?"

"I'm not disappointed. Although I did go a bit overboard, I understand that you were looking out for me, Chitose, which is why you said those things to Shizune."

"I thought you'd be more angry... You're really gentle, Shinsuke."

Chitose was concerned about me. Even if she was trying to become the antagonist, she didn't want to let the difficult past repeat itself, so she attempted to keep Shizune away from me.

Fully understanding this, I couldn't bring myself to be disappointed with her or even strongly reprimand her.

Chitose's eyes seemed a bit moist, and she used her index finger to wipe away the tears in order to hide them.

"Shinsuke... Do you really think this is okay?"

Continuing to ask in order to get to my true feelings, Chitose inquired further.

"She has the appearance of someone from the 'Dark Melancholy' group, and she has a history of self-harm, right?"

Speaking as if to confirm my determination, she poured out her words.

"Shinsuke, do you want to repeat the same mistakes as before?"

Looking back at the past, everything Chitose said was indeed true.

Up until now, I had suffered defeat after defeat.

Easily building a relationship with a gloomy girl resulted not only in hurting her heart but also in hurting my own.

"So... I don't want to fail again."

Even if it's just for this reason, I won't run away this time.

"I have a negative perception of the 'Dark Melancholy' group, and I want to avoid getting involved with them, to completely stay away from them. But... that in itself was already a mistake. After meeting Shizune, I finally realized."

What I truly wanted to avoid was the "repeated failures due to building a relationship with girls from the 'Dark Melancholy' group."

Shizune gave me a chance to heal from my psychological trauma.

"As long as I still need Shizune, I want to be by her side. To avoid failing again... To avoid regret, I want to support Shizune until the end."

I revealed my inner thoughts and responded to Chitose's question.

The relationship between Shizune and I was built on mutual dependence.

Precisely because we needed each other, we could trust each other.

Although we didn't know when this balance might collapse, as long as I still needed Shizune—even if it's just for my own satisfaction—I sincerely wanted to extend a helping hand to her.

"...Kujou-senpai."

Right after I conveyed my determination to Chitose,

Shizune, who had been silent all this time, let out a hoarse voice.

After locking eyes with Chitose, Shizune stood up from her seat and bowed deeply.

"First of all, I'd like to offer a sincere apology. I apologize for my self-destructive behavior at the party yesterday, causing trouble not only for Shinsuke but also for Hirofumi and Kujou-senpai... I'm sorry."

Subsequently, she continued speaking.

"I think what you, Kujou-senpai, were worried about is 'this aspect.' I didn't tell anyone the reasons for my inner anxiety, suddenly lost contact, went on a rampage... Until yesterday, I did a lot of things that made Shinsuke and many others worry."

Shizune raised her head and looked at Kujou-senpai again.

"In the future, I'll take actions that won't make Shinsuke worry. I'll strive to live my life so I can say to Shinsuke, 'I'm okay now.'"

With determination growing in her heart, Shizune made a clear declaration to Kujou-senpai.

"Which means, you eventually want to 'cure Dark Melancholy'?"

"Yes. ...Although I can't achieve it right away, I'll definitely work towards curing it someday. So until that time comes, I want Shinsuke to see me continue to grow by his side."

"I understand how you feel, Shizune. ...But why? Going to Shinsuke's room every day, helping with household chores, sacrificing your time... Why are you so fixated on Shinsuke?"

"Because Shinsuke gave me a place to belong. He genuinely cared about me and reached out a helping hand... I want to repay that kindness from him... Really, that's all."

Kujou-senpai seemed as though she was lost in some kind of longing, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Although Shizune was still struggling with her inner turmoil, she was indeed gradually changing.

In this way, she depended on me, and I depended on her.

"...To be honest, I object to the two of you continuing this codependent relationship. If this relationship develops cracks, both of you will end up unhappy."

Kujou-senpai looked at our future, analyzing the situation calmly.

While right now we were moving in a positive direction through mutual dependence, the stronger our dependence, the greater the backlash when the relationship becomes unstable.

"However... I don't really have the right to meddle in the relationship between you two. After all, no matter how much I object, the decisions are made by the two of you."

Kujou-senpai turned her face toward Shizune and me.

"In that case, in order for the two of you to be happy... let me witness it until the very end."

With a grin on her face, as if giving us a little push from behind, she smiled.

Kujou-senpai doesn't dislike Shizune.

She's just more worried about us than anyone else.

"If you need anything, come rely on me. Not just Shinsuke, but Shizune too. If you ever need someone to talk to, I might be able to help a little."

Kujou-senpai stood up from her seat, walked to the aisle in front of the long table, and placed her hand on the classroom door. She then turned back to look at us, as if she remembered something.

"Let me make sure, you two aren't in a romantic relationship, right?"

Shizune shook her head, and I clearly denied it with words, "We're not in a romantic relationship."

Seeing our reactions, Kujou-senpai sighed in relief.

"In that case, I can feel at ease.

Leaving those words behind, Kujou-senpai twisted the doorknob and calmly walked out.

A few minutes later, I received a message on my phone.

The sender displayed on the screen was Kujou Chitose.

'I'm really looking forward to the four of us having a barbecue.'

With the weight lifted off my shoulders, I finally felt a sense of relief.

"... A barbecue for four people, and I'll cover the entire bill."

It looks like I need to establish the reservation as soon as possible.

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