Prologue

 Volume 1 - Prologue 

Shinsuke Aigaki

A second-year university student living alone in Tokyo.

Shizune Kotosaka,

A gloomy girl who frequents Shinsuke's room.

Chitose Kujo

Shinsuke's childhood friend, a presence like an older sister.

Yagiyu Hirofumi

Shinsuke's first male friend after entering university.

=============

In the spring of my first year of junior high, I had my first girlfriend.

We dated for about a month and a half.

And now, after approximately seven years since then, memories of every day spent with her are deeply ingrained in my mind. Even if I want to forget, I can't easily do so.

During the opening ceremony at the gymnasium, I fell in love at first sight with a girl.

Fair skin, well-defined features, beautiful black long hair, and the striking red-framed glasses left a lasting impression. She exuded an intellectual aura that was hard to imagine for someone of the same age.

Not long after the first semester began, small groups naturally formed within the class.

Most classmates hung out with their friends from elementary school, club members, or those seated nearby. Since I joined the basketball club, I also spent break time with my club members.

However, she was different.

She didn't join any clubs, didn't show any signs of chatting with the people around her, and didn't even associate with those who came from the same elementary school.

She didn't join any cliques and spent her break time quietly studying.

Though a few people initially tried to approach her, even compliments were met with a difficult-to-approach attitude. As time passed, she became more isolated.

Although I also wanted to get closer to her, she always seemed to emit an aura that made it difficult to approach her. I don't know when it started, but my perception of her turned into that of an unattainable flower.

I had no topics to initiate a conversation with her, nor did I have the courage to greet her. I found myself simply following her with my gaze. However, a turning point presented itself before me.

During the seat shuffle after the mid-term exams, I luckily got seated next to her... but if I couldn't strike up a conversation, being her neighbor would be meaningless.

I moved my desk and chair, taking the seat beside her. During this time, I desperately tried to think of a topic.

As a result, I, who was ignorant and unprepared, inadvertently stepped into a sensitive issue that should not have been delved into.

No, for me at that time, the impact was not something I could easily ignore.

"What's up with that wound on your wrist?"

I noticed something unusual on her "wrist" and blurted out before giving it much thought.

Numerous scars were carved into her wrist.

She stared at me in surprise upon my question. After a while, as if finding solace somewhere in her heart, she teared up slightly and smiled gently.

Cutting the wrist—self-harm, slashing one's own skin with a sharp object.

There are various reasons for self-harm, but it seems most do it to seek peace within themselves.

And she was one of those seeking inner peace through self-harm.

At first, she straightforwardly answered my question with "I did it myself." When I asked further about the reason, her expression darkened. After a few seconds of silence, she started to tell me. Due to her family situation, she began self-harming as a way to release the stress of living in that environment.

I listened to her story as if it were something happening to me. Within just a few minutes, she had started to open up to me.

Because of her family circumstances, she became distrustful of others, fearing any connection with her classmates, even in the classroom. As a result, she remained in a state of loneliness at school, which brought her unbearable pain. The pent-up emotions spilled out from her lips.

From that day on, she started to talk to me proactively.

Apart from her dissatisfaction with her family environment and matters she wanted to discuss, our conversations also included topics related to studies and interests. As time passed, the distance between us rapidly diminished.

From there, we progressed to dating without much time in between.

Whenever we changed classrooms, we would stick together. During meal times, we would be alone and have conversations. Even during break time, I would spend it with her alone. Such days started to increase.

Due to basketball club practice, not to mention after school, it was difficult to find time to go on dates even on weekends. To compensate, I always stayed by her side at school.

It was a youthful and bittersweet happiness, just like that of ordinary junior high school students. Looking back now, it was probably because we spent so much time together that we became dependent on each other.

As the time spent with her increased, my interactions with friends gradually decreased, and I could sense some distance growing between us. However, because she was by my side, I didn't feel much pain.

However, the happiness derived from interpersonal relationships unexpectedly proved to be very fragile. Sometimes, just because of a small trigger, it could easily come to an end.

On a day when there were no club activities, I went to the nearby shopping center with her for a long-awaited first date to collect an artbook by her favorite artist.

Dressed in a black-themed outfit, including a dress, knee-high socks, and platform shoes - she appeared at our agreed meeting place. Even now, I remember that sight vividly.

She wore contact lenses that made her black irises appear larger, replacing her red-framed glasses. Under her eyes, she lightly applied red eye shadow.

Although I was puzzled by this side of her, which was completely different from her usual self, the joy of knowing her private appearance outweighed everything else. My heart was faintly happy.

During the initial days of our dating, I truly felt happy.

After achieving our goal at the bookstore, we went to the food court to fill our stomachs. We strolled through the facilities while chatting and laughing - however, an incident occurred during this time.

My phone vibrated, and I received a call from a childhood friend of mine.

At that moment, I saw her "peculiarity" for the first time.

In the corridor of the shopping center, she suddenly burst into tears.

Learning that I was in contact with someone other than her seemed to have thrown her into turmoil.

Although I tried to talk with her on the spot, my voice couldn't reach her ears. It took me a long time to make her somewhat understand the situation. However, this incident left a huge crack in our relationship.

After that incident, she started to stubbornly bind me.

If I spoke to any other girl in the classroom, she would cry regardless of others' gazes. In severe cases, she even took out a blade from her pencil case and gestured it on her wrist.

Classmates avoided her, and their gazes towards us became colder than ever.

She seemed to completely ignore these gazes. However, for me, who was still emotionally immature, this situation was unbearable.

So, I finally reached my limit. One day after school, I escorted her to the classroom and proposed breaking up. However, she wasn't going to let go of me so easily.

She made sounds that were difficult to form into words and even reached a state of attempted suicide.

Thanks to the arrival of a teacher, the worst scenario was avoided. However, the memory of that day is deeply etched in my mind.

From that day on, for about half a year until the end of the first year, she never appeared at school again.

Even as a child, I felt a sense of responsibility for this situation. Although I worried about her absence from school, I couldn't get in touch with her or know her home address, so I didn't take any noticeable actions.

On the first day of the second year, I couldn't find her name on the class list posted in the hallway. Even if I asked the teachers, all they told me was, "She transferred." That was the last time I saw her.

... Well, that's the memory of my first girlfriend.

The day of our breakup was the last time I saw her. Since then, we never met again, and to this day, I have no desire to see her.

However, she left a "scar" in my heart that would accompany me for life.

That is the psychological trauma caused by the "Gloomy Girl."

Gloomy - formally known as Menhera.

It refers to a state of mental instability caused by some internal issues.

I first learned of the term "Gloomy" during a conversation in the basketball club after breaking up with her.

After investigating in detail, I found many characteristics in her personality and behavior that matched those of a Gloomy individual, and then I realized that I had been in a relationship with a Gloomy girl.

Heavy, troublesome, and undesirable to associate with - these were the overflowing negative impressions from society. That said, at that time, my psychological trauma was still relatively shallow, at most having a sense of being not very adept at dealing with it.

In my third year of junior high, I met another girlfriend.

She was an outgoing girl with many friends, a high achiever with no malicious rumors surrounding her. We became acquainted through participating in a committee together.

Later, because she had feelings for someone in the basketball club, I began to give her love advice. It seemed that as we continued talking, her affection turned towards me. After she confessed to me, we started dating.

However, this relationship ended after only three weeks.

On the day of our planned date, a basketball game suddenly came up, and my priority for club activities triggered her hysterical reaction, leading to our breakup.

My last girlfriend during junior high was in my first year of high school.

I got to know her better through working at a clothing store and providing her with advice on her interpersonal relationships. Our relationship deepened, and we started dating.

However, this time, the relationship lasted only a week, even shorter than the second one.

She not only snooped through my phone content but also deleted all the contacts of other females in my phone. I felt the deep terror of this intrusion and severed my ties with her as if fleeing from something.

Originally, my psychological trauma related only to Gloomy girls, but as my heartbreaks increased, it expanded. After breaking up with my third girlfriend, I even began to develop aversion towards anyone, regardless of whether they exhibited the characteristic traits or not.

In this state, I was left feeling helpless.

I was afraid that no matter who I dated, the outcome would be the same.

I understand the situation clearly now. My childhood friend, who knows about my past experiences, told me that it's precisely because I accept advice from others, regardless of who they are, that I tend to become overly dependent on them and ultimately face failure.

Indeed, I have a personality where I cannot refuse others' consultations, and I always try my best to help them solve their problems. However, it's not necessarily a bad trait, and it's challenging to change.

Therefore, I suppose I'm not even suitable for romantic relationships.

I can't imagine what my future will be like, whether it's overcoming past traumas or being in a relationship with someone.

Now that I'm in my second year of university, I am still bound by the traumas of the past.

_________

[Tl note: Menhera means mentally unstable people.]

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